Man of the House
Review by David Bjerre
Genre: Fancy Free
Keywords:
Cheerleaders, witness protection, father-daughter relationship.
Did you know that...
Stephen Herek directed the original "Critters" from 1986.
THE STORY
Five cheerleaders accidentally witness the murder of a key witness in the trial of a mob boss. To protect them from harm, hard-boiled Texas Ranger Roland Sharp is assigned to watch them 24/7. He goes undercover as their new assistant cheerleader coach and moves into their dorm house. At first they find his new strict rules impossible to live with, but soon they start to sympathise with him, and they even help him reconnect with his estranged daughter. Meanwhile a corrupt FBI agent is on the verge of discovering where the girls are located.
REVIEW
"Man of the House" is one of those high concept ideas that should have worked without any problems, but fails because the execution is surprisingly lazy, and often slightly inept.
The basic set-up is simply not believable. Sharp won't let the girls go to a café to have fun, but he's got no problems with them parading around school without escort, or going to a stadium filled with strangers? That makes no sense. Plus, if you're in witness protection wouldn't it be a good idea to, you know.... move to another location? It also really annoyed me that the girls look way too old to pass as cheerleaders. For the record, the average age is 25. Ferlito is 25, but looks like the oldest one, while Keena's 31 years make her the oldest one in real life.
Even though the back story is just an excuse to put a Texas Ranger together with some cheerleaders, it still has to be plausible and it just isn't. The conflicts and the bonding seem forced, and by the time the film goes of the emotional jugular, we simply don't care enough to be dragged along.
And finally the film needs to be a whole lot more slutty. Sure, we got hot cheerleaders waltzing around in skimpy outfits, and the film steals a glance at those tight "assets" every now and then, but it's oh so worried about hinting at any sexual tension between the girls and Sharp. It rushes a romantic interest into the story to preoccupy Sharp, and comes up with a lame excuse to throw some clothes on the girls. Honestly, if you have five girls locked in a house with an older man, you better dirty up your mind, and if that scares you, then you probably shouldn't have made a film with cheerleaders. Perhaps a story about five nuns would have been better.
In short, go see "Bring It On" instead. It puts the "itch" in "bitch", you know.
