Lovewrecked
Review by David Bjerre
Genre: Fancy Free
Keywords:
Celebrity Crush, Hotel Resort, In Love with Best Friend.
Did you know that...
Writer Stephen Langford has written an episode of the short-lived animated "Ewoks" series, called "Malani the Warrior", which apparently deals with two slug-type creatures who attempt to turn the beautiful Endor moon into mud.
INTRODUCTION
It's every girl's dream isn't it? Being stranded alone on a deserted island with your favorite popstar. Well, no. Nobody actually dreams of being stranded on an island, when you really think about it. You'd be forced to eat raw fish and beetles, you couldn't get a proper shower, and there'd be no TV for a thousand miles, so no, nobody dreams of being stranded, but when 60-year old white men sit down at a table to decide what young people would like to see in a movie, that's what they think...
THE STORY
Jenny is a beautiful young girl who has just finished high school, and is looking forward to a couple of months work on an island resort hotel with her best friend Ryan. She hopes to run into her favorite popstar, Ken doll look-a-like Jason Masters, whom she worships. Unbeknownst to her, however, Ryan is trying to gather up the nerve to tell her that he loves her.
As luck would have it Jason Masters arrives at the hotel for a short stay. Obsessed with the idea that if only they spend some time together Jason would fall in love with her, Jenny tries to get close to him. When she leans that Jason is throwing an intimate party on a yacht that same night she manages to sneak aboard.
Just as she gets an opportunity to talk to him, a giant wave hits the boat and Jenny and Jason fall into the water. The next day they wash up at a deserted island. Jenny can't believe her luck! Alone on an island with her favorite popstar! To top that off, Jason broke his foot along the way, so Jenny have to take care of him and cater to his every need.
Meanwhile back at the mainland Ryan is beside himself over Jenny's disappearance, and everybody else is looking for Jason.
Back on the island Jenny's attempts at finding food have met with little success and she ventures deeper into the island. Suddenly she learns an awful truth... They aren't really lost. In fact they are on the very same island they came from, separated from the resort by a thick jungle. But Jason doesn't really need to know that, does he?
REVIEW
Amanda Bynes is without question a gorgeous talented little thing who could go on to bigger and better things, but let's make one thing abundantly clear: It won't happen if she continues to pick films like this.
Forgetting that the central premise is utterly unbelievable, the story should still have made for a sweet little fairytale which, if nothing else, could showcase Bynes and her perky fresh attitude. Unfortunately this has TV-movie written all over it. It looks cheap and it feels cheap.
The bargain basement plot is so thin that the writer has been forced to pad the story with unfunny unnecessary scenes, such as those that follow the trials of Jason's abandoned posse, who have been left to fend for themselves in the cut-throat hotel resort business. Or the countless little "humorous vignettes" that depict the awful jobs Ryan must take on, while Jenny is gone - dancing in a little straw skirt, massaging a fat lady, and other equally pointless things - which do absolutely nothing to forward the plot. They do perform one welcomed service. They take your mind ever so briefly off the dreadful romantic plot.
And then there's Amanda Bynes. Yes, she looks absolutely gorgeous in a tiny bikini and her enthusiasm is as contagious as ever. Unfortunately most of the film requires her to flash a fake smile every time Jason compliments her incredible skills, which gets really obnoxious, really quickly. It's also hard to sympathise with her quest, because Jason is so damn blah (yes, I've checked with girls... he really is blah).
Another thing: Actresses who refuse to compromise their looks and thus end up compromising the whole film is well documented evil. Who knows if it was Amanda's decision to look so damn beautiful throughout the whole ordeal, but it really hurts the film's credibility. Ironically in one scene Jenny shows up wearing a slightly darker shade of lipstick, prompting Jason to ask if she's in fact wearing lipstick. Yes, genius! She's wearing lipstick! And rouge! And her hair has been washed with proper shampoo! And there's not a grain of sand in her clothes or a hint of sunburn on her skin. In fact she looks remarkably like she's just stepped out of her trailer. And she's looked the same since you first set foot on this freaking island! You're just noticing that now?
The coup de grace is delivered in the form of some really offensive clichés, such as the fact the writer had the audacity to include "the token black guy" character, who thinks he's a hit with the ladies, though he's really not. Hah-hah! See what they did there? Brilliant. And when all else fails the film resorts to - yes, you've guessed it - fart jokes. You can't really say much after that, can you?
Honestly, there's not a evil bone in this film's skinny body, but it does seem like the result of a dare. Like someone wanted to find out what the least amount of effort they could put into a film and still end up with a finished product. Needless to say we deserve better. As does Amanda Bynes.
